#10: On the wings of the dawn

For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. (Psalm 139:13-14)

Dorothy McCrae-McMahon is an ordained minister. Here, she recalls the joy of owning her sexuality, despite the grief, pain, conflict and rejection, both personal and professional, which surrounded the announcement.

… when I dared to claim homosexual orientation, there was not one shred of doubt in me. I am a lesbian, and whether I realised it or not, I always have been. People, especially in the church, often talk about sexual orientation as through it is about sexual activity alone. They see it some sort of temptation into a particular type of sexual activity and you just have to decide to stop doing that and all will be well.

In fact for people like myself, and many others with whom I have spoken, the reality of your orientation is absolutely profound. When you ‘own’ your orientation it is like finding yourself and coming alive in ways which are impossible to describe. It is like at last fitting into your own skin. When I finally came out publicly, I bought myself a brooch depicting a flock of birds flying high because that is how I felt. I was flying free in the universe and claiming my real place in it. I was soaring into the clouds in joy and peace and moving into my future as a whole person at last. It felt as though all the fragments of myself were finally coming together and I was settling down into a serene peacefulness. Nothing could touch that, no matter what lay ahead, and I have never had a single moment of regret that I chose to live my life as I believed it was truly meant to be.

I felt a wholeness of body, heart, soul and mind in this relationship which was something I had never known before. Ω

Reflect: Are there things about yourself which you or others around you have found difficult to accept? Tell God about those things. Give thanks that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and ask God to lead you in the way everlasting.

#Lent2020 © Sanctuary, 2020, quoting Dorothy McCrae-McMahon, Memoirs of Moving On, Paddington, NSW: Jane Curry Publishing, 2004. Buy it from your favourite bookshop.


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