I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the desolate pit,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God. (Psalm 40:1-2)
Whilst I was separating from my first husband and going through a very painful divorce, I would play this CD album, ‘Sacred’, by The Kate Miner Orchestra (thekateminerorchestra.bandcamp.com/album/sacred) over, and over, and over again.
Many, many (and many more) tears were shed by me at this time.
My life was being torn apart. I felt so alone and I did not know where my children and I would end up. I felt ashamed; that I had failed my husband (and my God), at being a ‘good Christian wife.’
‘Who am I that You should love me?’ (I Need To Know). My love had grown cold and my heart devoid of passion.
When I felt like running away to hide … ‘I Will Not Move From You Holy Lord’ helped me to commit to staying … even though it felt like the ground I stood on was burning.
‘When the night fell all around me’ and ‘it chilled me through the bone’, when ‘my heart was weak with sorrow’ and ‘my path was full of stones’ (Stay), I used these songs to call out to God.
To ‘call on His kindness and fall on my face’, to express the deep, raw feelings of my heart ‘deep cries to deep’ (Ruthless Perfection); ‘I stand in need, my heart is in my hands’ (Mercy) and remind myself of the nature of my sovereign God; so holy, but also so full of mercy ‘severe’, love and grace.
I pleaded with Him … ‘In the crucible of Your Holiness burn all my sin away’ and ‘temper me as precious metal, meld Your Love deep with my own’ (I Need To Know).
‘You gave me life, and when I sinned, You paid the price and gave life again. I’m living in grace. Every step I take it’s mercy, sweet mercy … it follows me’ (Living in Grace).
I cried ‘Mercy’ …
He had ‘made a way through the Blood of the Lamb.’
He was ‘my only hope’ and His ‘faithfulness is without end’ (Mercy).
‘Comes the cross so comes the resurrection’ (Ruthless Perfection).
I was reminded that He had prepared a place for me where I could rest. Where He ‘dries my tears, breaks my chains, binds my wounds and heals my pain.’
He ‘hides my shame in holy dress’ and ‘clothes me with His righteousness’ (Wedding Feast of the Lamb).
‘Changed from glory into glory’ (Ruthless Perfection).
I am still healing … Ω
Reflect: Pray your way through the Psalm several times, slowly. How are you poor and needy? How do your sins swamp you? What Word is written on your heart? What praise-song does God put into your mouth? Softly sing or hum that song.
#Lent2020 © Sanctuary, 2020.
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